Hip Replacements
by Madame.Viper
Summary: A completely random one-shot containing a tweaked parody of a song, Ironhide, Ratchet, a bunch of soldiers and a bonfire.


**Hi all, here is a completely random one-shot that kept me from sleeping last night.**

 **This does not correspond with Of Secrets and Scars at all.**

 **For those of you who are curious and want to hear the actual song. Go to youtube and look up "All my friends have hip replacements" By Tim Hawkins.**

 **I do not own transformers and i'm pretty sure i never will...unless Hasbro is feeling immensely generous.**

 **For now i only own my oc Viper.**

 **Hope you all enjoy it!**

 **_Viper**

* * *

Hip Replacements

It was a beautiful day on Diego Garcia, there were no clouds in the sky, and there were birds singing in the trees. There were no active missions going on at this time, so everyone was just enjoying this brief reprieve from constant missions, retrieval of new Autobots and killing Decepticons.

There had been some new arrivals to Earth, and they consisted of, Hound, Warpath, Chromia, Moonracer and Prowl. Because of this everyone at N.E.S.T. was celebrating and taking the day off. Optimus was very pleased to know that so many of his Autobots had survived to make it to Earth, and to be informed by Prowl that there were more on the way.

In lieu of this new information and to get to know the new bots, there was a call for a base-wide beach day…and it happened. All of the Nest personnel and all of the Autobots were at this celebration. There was music, curtesy of Jazz, a volleyball net was found in the bowels of the base and brought into the light, and all were taking advantage of the hot, sunny day to work on their tans. And the bots got to learn more about the human culture.

As the day wore on, lunch was served at the cafeteria, meaning everyone had to walk back to the main hangers to get their food, then everyone had to apply a fresh application of sunscreen, per the Hatchets demand. Once the probation was up, everyone was back at the beach.

As evening came, one of the soldiers brought out and fired up a grill, much to the pleasure of everyone. A hot day of hanging in the sun meant very hungry soldiers. As the smell of hamburgers and hotdogs filled the air, the activity on the beach increased exponentially as everyone was claiming their seats for dinner.

Once dinner was served, everyone found their seats, and everyone enjoyed their meal together. The bots had onlined their holoforms a few hours into the event, so they could join in on the activities, now they were scattered among their human allies and enjoying the evening.

As dinner was coming to a close, there were calls for a bonfire, and thanks to Jazz, Bee and a handful of soldiers, by the time dinner was completely over, there was a bonfire.

Now one can't have a bonfire without campfire songs can they?

Like magic, it seemed like people were pulling guitars out of thin air. Within minutes, there was music and laughter coming from all bot and human alike. As the night continued on, the songs started getting more complicated. That was when Viper rose and walked back to base, and all the way to her quarters to grab her guitar.

As she walked back to the bonfire, she looked around and noted that all of the bots were still accounted for and smirked. Coming back to her seat, she opened her guitar case, and as the last song came to an end, the question was asked.

Who wanted to play next?

Viper raised her hand with a smile and as everyone settled down, she spoke "I would like to dedicate this song to Ratchet and Ironhide." With that she started the intro of the song.

At first it sounded like "Friends in low places" By Garth Brooks, but when the first words came from her mouth, it was quickly realized that it was defiantly not that.

"My buddies and me, were once wild and free,

But now we ain't doing so great" There were a few muffled snickers from the crowd

"We used to go down, and tear up the town,

And now we are all in bed by eight" More laughter from the audience

"Our parties are fewer, were staying at home,

Instead of our glass of highgrade, now when we get together we just talk about the weather, and all we ever do is complain!" howling laughter accompanied this last verse.

With a powerful strum she delved straight into the chours.

"Cause all my friends have hip replacements, cause they tripped and fell over their pedes into stasis, we're old and pale, and our struts are frail" The looks she was getting were absolutely amazing. Ratchet and Ironhide both looked ready to pound her into the ground.

"Yea years ago we were stealing bases, now we spend our time having wheelchair races, yeah all my friends, have hip replacements!" And with that, accompanied by the howling laughter of all who were with her, Viper laughed along and smiled. "And with that, I am going to leave before the Hatchet and Ironhide kill me, night all!" With that Viper quickly picked up her guitar and ran to the safety of the base.


End file.
